It’s official. After 2 boring socials, several uncomfortable parties and a day in uni classes where I sat by myself in a corner while everyone else talked, I am convinced that I am a genuinely socially awkward person.
You may think: ‘yes, we all are’. But I’m serious. Like I think it’s a problem. I’ve been on this boat for exactly 201 minutes and all I wish is that I could swim so I could get back to land (this is social #2 btw). Talking to people? Not my strong point.
In case you don’t know what it is to be the socially awkward one, here is how it generally goes.
- You enter a room, say hi to a few people you vaguely know and find a group of familiar people to hang around with (or follow for fear of being left alone)
- As people start moving around and mingling, you are left with a core group of similarly socially awkward people, clinging to each other for dear life but pretending like it’s totally fine that you’re the only ones not being cool.
- End up sitting outside with one decent friend and talking for the remainder of the evening, even risking pneumonia if it means getting out of the crowded room where people are kissing and the music is too loud.
Not going to lie, it’s not all that much fun being the socially awkward one in a situation. If you haven’t felt it before, I don’t wish it upon you. The feeling when your friend introduces you to a new person, who’s name you forget 5 seconds later but it’s okay because they’re never going to bother talking to you again. The feeling when you’re the only one not laughing at a joke because the group you’re hanging with is closer with each other than you are with them and they have their own inside jokes. The feeling when you watch new people meet, connect and socialise, exchanging numbers or becoming friends on facebook, and you have no new requests at the end of the night.
Yeah, that’s what it feels like every time.
But I guess it’s not all bad. Each time I get just a little bit closer to becoming a regular, socially confident human being. Not quite there yet, but a quarter of a third of half an inch closer!
And hey, maybe it’s just the universe’s way of telling me that these people aren’t worth my time and that I need to wait for someone that can get past my social anxiety and make a decent conversation.
But until then, you can find me sitting in a corner, reading a book or editing photos, a plastic cup of water empty in my hand, me being thirsty from all the dancing I’m not doing.
Be sure to say hi as you walk off to converse with that good-looking person on the other side of the room, and think of me when you accept his friend request. I’ll be there, as socially awkward as ever.
Until next week, I love you all and have a great week!
xx Julia
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an aesthetic mind 